Casual sex, a feel good factor

Doessex on-the-side give you the much needed kick? Let'sexplore...
Aanchal Mehra, a management student agrees, "It'snot about being promiscuous, but having sex with a stranger can actually liftyour mood. It happened with me once when I was going through a very low phase. Iwent to a friend's party and hooked up with this guy. We had a blast that nightand the next day we parted as friends.I felt desirable and wanted once again,and frankly I felt very happy."
The trend is recent and somethingthat picks up from the frantic pace of urban living. Often hectic schedules andlack of socialising leaves one feeling adrift and sidelined. Thus people drawsupport in whichever form they can or so observes, psychologist Surendra Mehta,Care clinic, "Casual sex is on the rise because of factors like loneliness, peerpressure, living away from one's home. It happens when there's no faith left inoneself. Think of someone who doesn't have a great job or a fulfillingrelationship or lacks friends to bail him/her out in times of crisis. It is thenthat they fall on measures that they assume can lift their spirits for sometime. Sex is more like an addiction just as people tend to eat a lot whendepressed."
Women don't get carriedaway
Hollywood too swears by the benefits of casual sexualencounters. Leading actress Cameron Diaz for instance recently stated that thereisn't a better way to get back in shape than hitting the sack. Studies too haverevealed that women are less likely to regret an impromptu fling, if they feelgratified sexually afterwards. Most women don't equate a romp in the sack with awalk down the aisle. Surveys reveal that over 52 per cent believe their mostrecent casual encounter to be 'just a one-time thing'.
Saysactor/anchor Pooja Bedi, "Having sex with someone you don't love doesn'tnecessarily mean you are committing a grave sin. The best part of today'ssociety is that it is beginning to accept female sexuality. People have variousthings to lift their spirits, this is one of them, so be it, and it's humanafter all to crave for touch. And women, just like men want to enjoy theirbodies. So there isn't anything wrong in indulging in casual sex as long as youknow where to draw the line."
Manish Singh, a softwareprofessional, points out, "I think the key is that everyone wants to matter,especially to their sex partners. We have created a world in which we treat sexas a private recreational activity, with no moral or social significance. Butwhen sex is a recreational activity, my partner becomes equivalent to a consumergood. And we all know what we do with consumer goods that cease to satisfy usbeyond a point, we get rid of them. In this world of consumer sex, it issocially acceptable to find pleasure with people you don't love. But yes, no onelikes to end up feeling used."
Casual sex to reduceboredom
Doctors claim that a session in bed with an unknown face canactually spice up your personal life. Although none would advise it, but thefact remains that it jolts you back out of your boredom and pushes you to beinginnovative. Says a doctor on condition of anonymity, "I have had patients whofind no interest in having sex with their husbands/wives. In fact, they complainof being turned off by the very thought of it. However, a torrid fling outsidemarriage breathes new life into a sagging relationship with one's spouse. Doesit really matter if you get back your stamina and feel good about yourself, evenif your spouse was unaware of what went on behind his back?"
Arecent study done by the University of Chicago on the sexual lives of adultsreveals that housewives bored by their routine look for affairs outside theirmarriage. In fact, a one-night-stand often reignites the lost spark that mayhave gotten snuffed out due to marriage and monotony, a la Tabu who played therebellious wife in the Mahesh Manjrekar's film Astitva.
The real picture
However notall is as hunky dory as you would like to believe. As Mehta puts it, "Sex withno strings attached is a great way to regain your confidence. However, not manypeople can sustain it. There comes point when you begin to see the worthlessnessof the whole enterprise. Despite how much we claim to be liberated, people needa caring relationship all the time. Sex is an act that is over in minutes andcannot ever replace emotions like love and care."
Neerja Tanna (namechanged), a journalist, reveals, "I completely believed in casual sex and feltgood about it. But there came a point when I began to dread the act. It wasn'tthe act per se, but the time when it would get over. If the sex wasn't great, itwas ok; but when it was exceptionally good, it was difficult to extract myselffrom that situation. And how do I not look forward to meeting that person again?So in a way I started feeling petrified about having sex with just aboutanyone."
According to psychologist Suparna Puri, women often getattached while having sex. The hormone Oxytocin or the attachment hormone makesthem feel closer to their partner. So she advises, "Be clear about who you wantto indulge yourself with". Puri believes it's alright to be daring andadventurous, but warns that the high doesn't last for long. Soon there is asense of wanting to pull out and starting again.
As Tanna recalls,"I don't believe in casual sex anymore. Because I believe there is more to itthan just plain fun. So today I have decided to seek pleasure and adventure inother things. And sex can wait till I get married." Well point taken.
Male power
In this entire cryabout women and sex, it seems men are completely pushed away from the limelight.Could the reason be that sex gets easily associated with men and thus requiresnot much thought? Says Atul Suri,a consultant with an MNC, "A general conceptionis that men are more interested in sex. However, I think nowadays women arealso free spirited while men are becoming conservative. I can indulge in sexualactivities with anyone, but I don't want to. My friends of course do, but Ithink their outlook is changing as well. Today a guy wants to be just aone-woman-man, both physically and mentally."
Explains Puri, "Formen it is no longer about sex and affairs. Men today concentrate on developinghealthy relationships with the opposite sex. That could also arise from the factthat they are aware that the society is open to men having casual sex, so itisn't a big deal. However for women to do the same there is the pleasure ofbreaking barriers and also a sense of power. So it's more of women wanting totry out new things and explore areas so far a taboo to them."
Thebalance though is heavily tilted towards women. And though the freedom of bodyis a heady feeling, yet there are certain precautions to be kept in mind:
1. Get yourself checked for AIDS and STD frequently if you are indulgingin casual sex.
2. Always, always use a condom or other precautions whilehaving sex.
3. Having a one-night-stand is okay as long as you areconsciously aware of what you are doing. You don't want to fall into the wronghands and get beaten up.
4. Steer clear of strangers who you think comeacross as "weird". It is better to follow your gut than being sorrylater.
5. If you are someone who gets carried away emotionally, then suchaffairs are definitely not for you.
6. Men take heed and check thebackground of the person you are going out with. You could easily be led todrugs if you don't watch out.
7. If you feel any kind of discomfortphysically after an intercourse, see a doctor immediately.
8. Visit apsychiatrist if you think you are going through an emotional vacuum and needhelp.
9. Speak to friends, family and close ones if you think yourloneliness is the reason for you to hunt partners.
10. Believe in love andcare because nothing works better than these.